Titanium White

RFRY, written 20 Jun 06, upped 21 Jun 06

Titanium white exists in two versions. I've pretty much resigned myself that I'll never be happy with them so I wasn't going to post them. Then I remembered that that's exactly the kind of thing this space is for. So here's attempt 2, the more complete of the two. It's also got some heavy rhythmic stuff going on up top (v. unusual for me) and I'm not sure how to carry it into the second stanza. Rhythmic business has always been hard for me to cultivate.

Titanium White

tanned and freckled arms, titanium white underneath,

her hips are wide but from expounded motherhood and

her legs are sleek—she’s taller than you, taller

than me, even, but in sitting, athletic but thick-backed

and wondering on low-back pain and gesturing with

tense arms, terse, broad-wristed with squat hands, like

mine, like yours, and with red rings

on short nails, where you

chewed your cuticles to raw, waiting, weakly

blue lit and wond’ring when I

might show up.

And here's attempts one, which is a little more focused but a little less complete than attempts two.

Titanium White

sitting, athletic but thick-backed, wondering

on low-back pain and gesturing

tersely, tense arms leading to broad

wrists with squat hands like my own, but with

red rings on short nails like yours, where you

chewed your cuticles to raw, waiting,

weakly blue-lit and wond’ring when I

might show up.